Review: Kick some Ass. Explore the World. Play Trine 2.

By: David "DR. G" Galanter

Get ready to kick some goblins in the NUTS. After you’re finished trashing the Republican Presidential Debates, you should sit down and play some Trine 2! Trine was released a couple years ago on the PC with stellar graphics and satisfying combat. The game was pretty well received and offered a new look to the classic genre of 2D action titles. With the promise of online multiplayer (a feature only available offline in the first), Trine 2 went into production looking better than ever. The time has come to throw down 15 dollars and once again enjoy 2D action at a quality that is second to none.

The adventure begins reiterating the function of an artifact called the Trine. It has the ability to link the souls of 3 people, allowing each one to live as long as the others are still kickin’. In this case (same as the first), a thief, a knight, and a wizard are joined by the mysterious relic to save their kingdom from… darkness or whatever. Each person can only exist physically one at a time, allowing the player to switch between each character and their abilities. If you’re playing co-op, all three can exist at once. The story doesn’t really explain this, but I don’t question how the hell two Master Chiefs are possible either.

The story is light and no one should care. This game is about leveling up, solving puzzles, and exploring beautiful environments. Thankfully for all of us, Trine 2 nails most of these.

In this shit kicking fiesta, dead enemies reward you with XP, but the game doesn’t hand it out like candy. XP is present in the form of collectable bottles that can be found on evil corpses, but not every baddy will drop one. However, XP bottles can also be found in random nooks and crannies around the environment that might require a little creative exploring or puzzle solving to obtain. This is quite ingenious because it encourages you to explore the gorgeous scenery knowing there could be a gem towards leveling up behind any alcove. Every 50 XP bottles earns you a skill point to be spent on one of the character’s skill trees.

Each character plays differently: The wizard can conjure up boxes to help get across gaps, The thief can shoot arrows and use a grappling hook, and the knight can really murder the hell out of some minions with a good old fashioned sword and shield. There is a separate skill tree for each, but they’re all relatively small and haven’t changed much since the last game. The wizard can be upgraded to conjure more boxes, the knight can get a more powerful sword and shield, and the thief can unlock icy, fiery, and explosive arrows. Each one can unlock these traits (and more) to help complete the challenge at hand. It’s kind of a shame there isn’t much for people who already saw it all in the first trine, but the small skill trees fit the shorter length of the game (about 8 hours) and are still fun to unlock and unleash on some nincompoops.

Every new skill you unlock also helps you with the many puzzles peppered (more like peppered and then the cap fell off) in the environment. Unfortunately, this is the weakest part of the game by far. Each puzzle I completed made me feel like I was doing it “the wrong way.” I don’t know if there is a sure fire way to complete every brainteaser, but each one lacked the “ah-ha” moment present in every quality puzzle title. I felt like every challenge was barely solved with a lot of luck and a little craziness.

I was also surprised all the solutions involved skills you unlock via XP. I often wondered what would’ve happened if I had decided to choose something else on my skill tree. However, I found hints of other ways to solve each puzzle using different abilities. I appreciate the talent required to design every puzzle in a way where anyone can solve it no matter what skills they chose, but the puzzles themselves lacked intrigue and satisfaction to the point where they were nearly pointless. It wouldn’t be a problem if the puzzles were few and far between, but as I said earlier, the game lays them on thick, sometimes rewarding you for solving a puzzle with another puzzle.

The graphics in this game are phenomenal! Trine was a beautiful game and if there’s one thing they topped themselves on, it’s visuals. Not only is every detail perfect, but almost every type of weather and topographical feature you can think of is represented in the game. You’ll be fighting enemies in icy mountains, lavish jungles, and dark claustrophobic dungeons. Each location is breathtaking, and before you can breathe again, the game throws you another gorgeous set piece to knock the wind out of you again. One of my favorite levels includes swimming under water in order to dodge the storm of thunder and rain above. The water illuminates ever so slightly on every strike, revealing flashes of the ocean life you’re swimming with. It’s jizz in my pants material. It’s been a long time since I can remember graphics this good in a 2D adventure and very well might be because it’s the best.

Trine 2 offers an experience every gamer should enjoy. The puzzles are a bit shoddy and the skill trees leave something to be desired, but its combat is satisfying, the exploration is wondrous, and the graphics are damn sexy. The game also includes a few extra features like online co-op, which is essentially the same experience with a couple other friends playing the other characters. It makes puzzles a little easier to solve and you can tell the developers made this game with co-op in mind. You can even plug in an extra keyboard (or 360 controller) and kick some ass offline. It may be on the low end of an A, but this game deserves to be played. Get the republican nuts off your foot and enjoy Trine 2!

To crave Bayonetta is okay... in many ways

Bayonetta is saffron. A versatile ingredient spanning from cuisine to medicine, used to add pizzazz to a dish or enrich one’s health. Expensive and refined, it is not meant to be cast as another spice like cinnamon. Not to be ordained in a melancholy of stocks and broths, or B's and C's. Bayonetta is saffron where a pinch of it can spruce even the flattest of tastes.... Or maybe just a hot anime chick you can never touch.

Developed by Platinum Games and the dude who brought us Devil May Cry, Bayonetta is an over-the-top, kick-in-the-ass, never-see-it-coming extravaganza like none has seen. It dishes baddies out like free samples at (insert wholesale warehouse store. i.e. Costco), and flails quirky scenarios faster than (insert pop culture driven television station. i.e. MTV), but makes it work better than what MacGyver has at hand (insert everyone knows who MacGyver is!). Yes, it is that awesome.

The story sets out in a medievaly type of place where Hell and Heaven are duking out for domination? The protagonist is a super sexy amnesiac witch who is trying to discover herself, and the antagonist is a super sexy psycho witch who is preventing the other super sexy… blah, blah, blah? Blah, blah? Ah! Whatever! The premise is this: a super sexy witch with the power to utilize her hair to wreak havoc upon the heavenly creatures from up above sets out on a quest to fuck shit up (Period).

Action (and half naked sequences) is what brings Bayonetta to life, and keeps it pumping. All the set moves are unlocked right from the get go, so it does not waste any time dicking around with learning new combos or large tutorials (although the loading screen is a practice session in between chapters). The player feels like a badass as soon as the first cinematic ends and the game only progresses further in that sense.

Weapons, techniques, and items can be obtained through purchase. Things like shotguns and grenade launchers can replace a gun strapped to the heel for a devastating explosion of phantasm, or a cool katana that owns everything (and I mean everything!)! Techniques like turning into a cuddly fanged panther or more allotted time for witch time to pants those sons-a-bitches. But, they don’t come cheap, no, not at all. Although not cheap, there is a solution for all the cheapskates in the world!

Destroy a baddie, and it will drop a weapon. Pick up the weapon, and use it against another baddie! Few games will use the function of picking up an enemy’s dropped weapon (excluding all shooters), and the game makes it a good function even better by implementing various ways the weapon can be used. For example, using a spear, Bayonetta will proceed to make use as a stripper’s pole (knocking heads as sexy as can be)! Break a few vases and items will be dropped. Happy-go-lucky cheapskates (leave a tip once in a while… grumble grumble)!

Boss battles are unique, none play the same, and once defeated they will spawn in like normal baddies in other levels. They come in by the dozen, so expect to be using health often. The torture finishing moves are awesome to watch (especially the one with the big ass dragon)! The difficulty doesn’t scale too far (unlike Ninja Gaiden), but leaving upgrades untouched will weigh in heavily during later boss battles (especially techniques). Personally, I am a completionist when it comes to leveling up characters, but a few major upgrades could set the tone for the entire game.

The story might be quirky and the lines very cheddar, but the thought gone into the battle, and the level progression make this game more than solid. These guys got it. They are at the pinnacle of action games with Bayonetta. Let the story slide, a little bit of bug spray, and you get a solid A worthy game! An A+ worthy game you say? Fuck it. A+! Go play it on Xbox 360 (cause the PS3 version had issues with loading) and experience the super sexy sensation Bayonetta will give you (especially with those lollipops… you’ll see)! (And not in that way you sickos). (But totally in that way) <3.

Batman: Awesome City! (Lame Title. I Know. Suck It.)

Welcome to a very small world of quality licensed video games. Batman: Arkham Asylum surprised everyone a couple years ago by not only surpassing expectations for a Batman game, but also earning itself a handful of Game of the Year awards alongside the cream of the crop franchises of this generation. No one expected the developer (Rocksteady) to produce such a gem when they only had one game under their belt (and not a very good one). A couple years later, here we are in glee for the sequel to one of the best comic book games of all time. New villains. New Gadgets. New city. Peggy, hold my calls for the rest of my life. What do you mean no one ever calls me?! You’re fired! No, wait! Resign. I don’t want you to get unemployment money. That’s how good Arkham City is!

Sit back and pop in your Arkham City disc, because you’re gonna be playing as… Dun nan a na na na na na Catwomaaaan…? Yes. The very first thing you do in AC is play as Catwoman. Odd. You would think players would want a chance to get used to walking in Batman’s shoes again before learning a new character. The disappointment quickly disappears after you find out how awesome she is to play. She can’t glide like Batman, but she can use that dominating whip of hers to latch on to rooftops and billboards in the environment. It’s surprisingly effective and almost doesn’t make you miss the cape. Catwoman also has thief vision (her version of Batman’s detective mode) that allows her to see the heat signatures of enemies. Unfortunately, it isn’t as robust as detective mode. It doesn’t give you a detailed analysis of the fight like its Dark Knight counterpart (total enemies, which thugs are armed, etc.), but still helps a little.

Combat works slightly differently with Catwoman as well. She’s faster than Batman and can use her whip (instead of a cape) to stun enemies. Beyond that, it’s pretty similar. You’re still pressing the same buttons to punch and counter as you would in Batty’s shoes. Starting the game on such a different note than its predecessor is pretty ballsy, but it was still a really fun sequence and doesn’t last too long. There are about 3 Catwoman sections in the game, but you won’t be playing any of them unless you scored an activation code from buying the game new, used from GameStop, or renting a copy with an unused code in it (I Win). If you want to hop strait into our masked hero’s suit, it’s almost better you don’t have the code, but the Catwoman sections are short and a lot of fun if you give it a chance.

Now you get to play as dun na na na na na Robiiiin! No, kidding. Fuck that. BATMAN! Well, Bruce Wayne. Close enough. The story starts with the explanation of the game’s title. Every prisoner in Arkham Asylum has been moved to a new district of Gotham called Arkham City. Led by Hugo Strange, Arkham City is a Gated mad house of Batman villainy. Strange arrests Bruce Wayne at the game’s opening and throws him in Arkham. The tutorial teaches you the basics as you bust out of captivity and call Alfred to send you an aerial drop of your goods. Time to suit up.

Toiling around in the city, Batman discovers that Joker is alive but not well. He was exposed to quite a bit of Bane’s Titan formula in the last game and is now feeling the effects. It’s killing him. In 24 hours, the Joker will be dead. Lucky for him, he captured and infected you with the same poison, knowing you’d be forced to find a cure now. At the same time, Strange is constantly making announcements over the city’s loud speakers saying “protocol ten will commence in 9 hours.” What is protocol ten? Will Batman find a cure to save his life in time? Who else will get in the way? Tune in next paragraph!

Every piece of the story is logically and expertly crafted. Mr. Freeze gets involved because he is an extremely talented scientist and the perfect candidate to cure Batman and Joker. Freeze tells Batman he needs a sample of blood that has been exposed to the toxin for longer than Batman and Joker has had it. Batman then rushes to find Ra’s al Ghul. Ra’s has been exposed to it for centuries and never dies because of his Lazarus Pit. He’s perfect. I’ll stop there because I don’t want to give too much away, but every villain has a motivation that fits in the games story perfectly. Rocksteady allows you to enjoy fighting a handful of major Batman villains, without compromising the narrative. Tough to do, and amazing to experience.

All your favorite gadgets return. Batarang. Grapple Hook. Line launcher thingy (technical term). The game is mostly full of familiar tools, but there are a few new toys to play with. You now have a device that can disable enemy weapons in a room from a distance (limit two baddies per fight). This makes for a new level of strategy when tackling rooms full of armed guards. There’s also a new device grabbed from Mr. Freeze that allows you to create a floating platform of ice in any body of water. From there, you simply hop on and use the grapple hook to pull yourself to your destination. Leveling up also returns, allowing you to upgrade most of your gadgets and even your suit. Again, some of the upgrades are repeats from the last game, but there’s plenty there to keep you hooked on beating the crap outta henchmen to gain XP.

The city isn’t quite as fleshed out as a Grand Theft Auto or a hand full of other open world games. There aren’t a whole lot of landmarks and recognizable buildings to help you remember where you’ve been. Thankfully, an effective map and waypoint system help you forget this flaw quickly. You can glide around the city to get everywhere. Clinging on to Helicopters also works as a mode of quick travel, but you won’t use them often. There aren’t too many in the sky and it’s hard to tell if they’re ever taking you in the right direction. Gliding is surprisingly fast and you can zoom around pretty quick using the grapple hook too. The city is small enough that you won’t really miss a more robust quick travel system.

Arkham City is an amazing video game. Comic book fans will get an enormous nerd-rection from the clever story and characters. Gamers will enjoy an awesome open world experience with satisfying combat and varied missions. If you’re a comic book fan and a gamer, get ready to change your pants every 5 minutes. It isn’t a perfect game. Some of the repeated gadgets have lost their luster from the last installment, and the map could have marked building entrances to avoid pointless door hunting. It got slightly annoying to search around huge structures for a tiny vent or passageway. However, these are complaints are small and are quickly forgettable. The only thing bad about this game being so good, is not being able to use the article title “Batman: Arkham Shitty.” After a very satisfying experience, I must say, worth it!