Review: Days of Ruin (for the body)

Nothing sucks more than having a broken console with a heap of games growing mold, and waiting to be played- especially one that costs a few more dollars than an average plug-and-play emulator (which in my book is awesome!).  That's what's happening to me. While I collect enough dough from selling dough (cookie dough that is) to purchase a replacement part for said console I bring to you Advance Wars: Days of Ruin for the DS.

Set on a post-apocalyptic world where a meager fraction of humans have survived a shower of meteors, and have formed factions to survive, a boy named Will emerges to become a badass, and make living in Hell a whole lot cooler (pun). The good guys- Rubinelle- are trying to help everyone get by while the baddies- Lazuria- are trying to take everything over. Somewhere in between, a creepy Quack and his IDS- Intelligent Defense Systems- perform biological tests on the remaining humans hoping to see how much humans can endure suffering.

Advance Wars is a turn-based tactics game where the object of the game is to either: destroy all enemy units, capture the enemy headquarters, or complete the objective. Units can be built with enough in-game money that generates each turn depending on how many buildings the player has captured. Units are limited to ground, water, and air (i.e. tanks, artillery, battleships, jets). CO's- or Commanding Officers- offer unique bonuses with each battle such as: generating more money each turn, less cost for units, attack/defense boost for units, who are chosen before each battle (but are set in Campaign), and may be assigned to a specific unit to deliver more oomph.

Unlike previous installments of the game, Days of Ruin's CO's powers have been downgraded to have more balance. No longer is a CO's special attack a day ruiner, but more of a toe stubber. New units have also emerged, and old ones reworked. Multiplayer is more definitive and has included on-line play (which I fucking rocked all day, every day). Other than small changes, the core game play is the same formula.

The Campaign was such a bitch to try and complete! Oh my goodness, it took every ounce of knowledge of the game to beat all 26 missions! And then there were the side-missions! I have spent a good 30 hours+ on the game on Campaign alone (include the multiplayer and shazam! a whole month worth!). But I muffed that Quack's ass, and I spanked his daughter's (in a good way), and I saved the day, and I got the girl, and I elevated to Kinghood, and I slayed the mythical beast of the unknown, and I rode the white stallion across the beach with flowing locks of manhood, and I passed through the Ring of Fire to join Tankhood, and I beat Super Mario Bros. 3 with top score, and I captured Mewtwo with a pokeball, and I took all 25 routes, unlocked Expert mode and beat Andross!!!.... Uh, you get the point.

If you like chess, this is your game (and Fire Emblem). It is a sure-fire way to get the 'ol brain juices flowing. Make custom maps and play with friends, taking turns on one DS. This title is an A- in my book. Check it out, and maybe one day you can be a man like Will the boy!