Twilight Princess (Spiders... why did it have to be Spiders)

The fearless hero stood at the mouth of Hell. No matter the odds, no matter the cost, the hero would press on. Whatever may lurch, whatever may haunt, the hero was resolute. The howl of the unknown settled on his mind, but he was aware of what must be done. Stale air in his lungs and dust in his eyes told the ancient tale of the people and place. The fearless hero, sword in hand, shield on arm, weapons at ready, marched into the dungeon without a second beat. He is Link. And this is Twilight Princess.

Set on a parallel world to Ocarina a century ahead, the kingdom of Hyrule is being conquered by an evil dude named Zant using the Twilight to steal the Light from the Light Spirits. Link is thrust into the middle of everything when his friends (a couple of snot-nosed kids) and his love interest (who has a thing for horses) are captured by a goblin/orc type thingy riding a boar, and while giving chase to his love interest (forget those kids… especially the creepy girl with a crush on Link) is turned into a wolf, and forced into the Twilight Zone. He is rescued by a Twilight person named Midna, meets Zelda, is conscripted into saving the world, and before he realizes what’s going on KA-POW! He’s already Midna, Zelda, that-one-creepy-woman-who-keeps-winking-at-him, the Queen of the Zora, the Gorgon, and the Mayor of his hometowns’ bitch (I’m sure I’m missing some).

Link has to collect the tears of light for the Light Spirits in wolf form to return the balance back to the force…I mean back to Hyrule, all while helping Midna recover the Fused Shadows in human form to help her stop Zant. A tough day for Link indeed. He must feel more used than… a napkin, or a tissue, or a cup, or something. If only he still had his voice to speak up for himself, (after walking in on his parents, he’s never been the same) then people might not walk all over him.

The addition of Ganondorf in the game was more of a fan service deal. (By the way… SPOILERZ!). The story ties in the fact that Ganondorf was imprisoned in the Twilight some hundred years ago, presumably by the Link of the Past, and is the source of all chaos. Link kicks his ass faster than you can sneeze, so by the time you turn back to the screen he’s already owned by the Master Sword. 

The story is much more prevalent than previous installments. Fewer side missions are available, so be prepared to finish off relatively quick. But what drives the game is the efficiency of combat. The Wii remote acts as a guide for arrow shots, boomerang throws, claw shot clamping, and it works marvelously! Sword swinging and shield striking are a little clunky, but are a better change up than button mashing. Horseback combat has been improved twice fold so Link is able to swing his sword from side-to-side with as little as a waggle from the Wii-mote (Nintendo must be ecstatic that someone said Wii-mote). The wolf sections of the game were pretty repetative, until utilized where Link can switch between human and wolf modes.

For a delayed game well over two years… meh, for a new Zelda without the wait, was freaking sweet. Adapted into the Wii for new functionality and revved up innovation, the Twilight Princess is an awesome step forward for the series. Although not my favorite Zelda in the series, it none the less lives up to the name. So A it gets! (As a side note, those forsaken spiders scared the crap out of me, and now I sleep with my shield and sword Wii attachments at night... thanks Nintendo.)

Wind Waker, Come Sail Away

Salt Water touches your lips. Wind blows through your hair. You might be on a beach or you might be playing The Legend of Zelda Wind Waker. As with many Legend of Zelda games, they start with the story of The Hero of Time. A couple of things are different with this Zelda tale. Cartoon graphics, Link has a family, and you are stuck on an island. It’s these things that set Wind Waker apart from any other Zelda game before or after it.

Life is good. It’s your birthday. You talk to your grandma and she gives you the legendary hero’s clothing to wear. Then, your sister gives you her telescope. While using the telescope, you see a giant bird and someone is in its claw. Some cannon fire from a ship hits the bird and it drops the person into a forest in the distance. You decide to go help but first you need to get a sword and shield. After that, you climb up a mountain and rescue the girl. Apparently she is the leader of a pirate ship. The bird comes back but grabs your sister instead. You join the pirates to save her after hearing she has been taken to the Forsaken Fortress.

Once you get to the Forsaken Fortress, you get thrown behind the walls. You get separated from your sword and cannot fight. You must sneak past enemies, find your sword, and rescue your sister. When you find your sister, the bird grabs you before you rescue her. The bird takes you to his master, and master of everything in the Forsaken Fortress, Ganon. He knows you are too weak and has you ejected from his Fortress. That is when the King of Red Lions finds you. Then you truly start your adventure.

The story is one of the best-crafted Zelda stories of all time. It sticks to the original recipe for a Zelda game, but still brings in enough to keep it fresh. Sailing is the biggest gameplay changer. No longer are you jumping on a horse and riding to your next target. Now you set sail and find your own path. If you are a fan of side missions, there a plenty of those, but if you just want to get through the story, you can do that too.

The music and sounds are as amazing as any other Zelda. All the sounds and music are inspired by the older Zelda games but enhanced or changed to fit this new adventure. It is what you expect from a Zelda game but also something that surprises you. The graphics are cell shaded but it works well with the comedy. Familiar faces look different, not just because of the new graphics, but because of the story and what has happened to their race. It might take time to get used to it, but it is worth it for an experience like this.

The new gadgets, and some of the old, bring new views on puzzle solving. The most important of which is the Wind Waker. Controlling the wind is a big deal and it’s even impossible to complete some puzzles without the wind blowing in the right direction. Another new item is the Deku Leaf. This lets you shoot gusts of wind at enemies or glide through the air for short distances. Using the Wind Waker and Deku Leaf together efficiently will help you get far. Everything else about the gameplay is just as you remember it from all other Zelda games. Slice and dice with your sword, block incoming attacks with your shield, and even the hook shot comes back.

What makes this Zelda such a different game than the rest is the size. Giant landscapes to explore, huge dungeons to conquer, and a big mystery to uncover. The sailing is a wonderful mechanic. You just have to be patient with it. The audio will make you want to stop and just take it all in every now and again. The weapons and items are used in such a way you never knew possible. This is the closest to a “perfect” game I have ever seen but I don’t believe in a perfect game. So this is an A, the highest grade I can give it. I want to thank Nintendo for making such an amazing game.

Majora's Mask: The one shunned, the one forgotten

Ocarina of Time. Of course you remember the title. Maybe not the gameplay, the story, nor the graphics, but the name is pertinent and forever will be. But has anyone ever stopped to think about what came after? Has anyone ever stopped to think, “Hey, I remember Nintendo made another Zelda after Ocarina!” Unfortunately, the majority of the population shuns every existing title after Ocarina. Driven into a corner, mistreated and alone, the other Zelda titles struggle to stay afloat in a world ruled by favoritism. I’m here to stop such a cruel, inhumane treatment of other Zelda games. I’m here to shed a little light on their world, and show them that love exists outside. And for as little as a penny a day, you too can help raise awareness. Take a stand and say, “Hey, I remember Nintendo made The Legend of Zelda: Majora’s Mask!”

Majora’s Mask was released two years after Ocarina of Time, and is a direct sequel to it. Set in a town called Termina, seven months after the events in Ocarina, young Link rides in on the beloved Epona to do what he does best: to be a tool for the rest of the world (half kidding). He is quickly screwed over by a skull kid wearing Majora’s Mask and forced to wear a Deku mask which turns the hero into an actual Deku. Link (the Deku) finds his way to the town, and unmasks himself into the form of a boy again. And they lived happily ever after…. Until the same damn skull kid unleashes the moon to crash into and destroy the town within three days! Fuck you skull kid! So now Link has to man (boy) up, and find the four giants who can help him stop the moon's descent.

The game is an innovator where the Ocarina can be used to slow, speed, or reverse time. Masks are also the centerpiece of the game where each can be worn to create unique effects (i.e. bunny ears make Link quicker, great fairy mask attracts fairies). Special masks can turn Link into a Deku, Gorgon, or Zora that allow Link to possess the necessary prowess to travel within specific terrains (or turn the Ocarina into awesome instruments). Four main areas are available for exploration and dungeon crawling, each with unique terrains accessible with the corresponding mask.

The combat in the game is symmetrical to its predecessor with the exception of the special moves and items associated with the special masks. Many side quests are available- more so than the predecessor- and dungeons are beefier with mask-specific puzzles. No Ganondorf though, and only a glimpse of Zelda. Oh, and the fan-girls who swooned over older Link won’t get none of that in Majora’s. Honestly though, you won’t miss them at all with this title (Especially no more "Hey, hey, hey, you motherfucker listen!"). Kicking that skull kid in the galls, and playing that cool ass guitar as the Zora are more than enough to keep this game appetizing. And at the time of its release, the new expansion pack for the N64 added new crisp textures to the game.

By far, this is a very worthy title. I give everything an A+, with reason, but few titles are very deserving like this one. Elaborate puzzles, and fresh gameplay unlike other Zelda titles make Majora’s Mask a unique and must play for any Zelda fan. But if you still bat an eyelid, I promise, you will miss out on an awesome game (that, and you just made my shit list). So again… for a dollar a day (fees went up), you too can help Majora’s Mask feel wanted and appreciated.

Ocarina of Time: Still Timeless. Still Ocarina-y.

It’s been almost exactly 13 years since Ocarina of Time wowed us on the N64. The Legend of Zelda was strictly a 2D title until the moment of Ocarina’s release. A 3D Zelda seems like a natural fit now, but at the time, I wondered how they would translate the game into the third dimension without losing its spirit. Zelda was tied to 2D as tight as Mario was. One thing that gave me hope and got me excited, was the success of Super Mario 64. Our favorite Italian Plumber went through the same dimension change a couple years earlier and still holds a place in my heart as one of the best Mario games in history. Could Nintendo bring us that same magic to translate Zelda into the polygon world? Of course they could! (slaps you) How dare you doubt them!

The game’s story is magical and worthy of a place among the best fairy tales out there. Our adventure takes place in Hyrule Kingdom. Ganondorf, an evil king of thieves with the ability to turn into a Man-Bear-Pig, is desperate to find an ancient relic called the Triforce. It is said that anyone who holds the Triforce will be granted one wish. It's assumed Ganondorf wont be wishing for world peace. You play as Link, a little fairy boy with an appetite for adventure. Things go south when Ganondorf captures the kingdom and chases down Zelda for a piece of the Triforce. Link tries to interject, but Ganondorf pushes Link aside like some twirp. Oh no you di’int! Now begins the adventure of stopping Ganondorf and getting some sweet revenge.

The meat of the game is in its dungeons. Each dungeon has a theme (water, fire, shadow, etc.) and is full of puzzles that will get you further toward your ultimate goal. Some of the temples can stump you at times, but that’s part of the fun. There’s no greater feeling than discovering the solution to a puzzle you’ve been working on for hours.  Many puzzle games now have gotten easier and easier. This allows for a wider audience to play, but doesn’t give the same satisfaction you would get with harder adventures. Ocarina of time is the perfect game to experience the nostalgia of when the challenge was great and the reward was satisfying. Thank god for virtual console (and the newly released 3DS version)!

You will travel to many towns and upgrade your equipment every now and then, but this is not an RPG. No XP is given, and there are very little side missions. This truly is just an adventure (and a damn good one). The story isn’t laid on too thick once you start tackling dungeons. All the dialogue is strictly text based with no voice acting. However, the narrative is still extremely compelling and has a twist that will shock you!... as long as you’ve been living under a rock.

This game is a treasure and a masterpiece. There is no way you can own a Nintendo console without this gem in your library. The experience of playing this beautiful piece of art is an irreplaceable part of any gamer’s life. Playing it in 1998 blew me away and still gives me chills over 10 years later. This title will make you feel like you finally got to live that adventure you always dreamed about having in the backyard as a kid. If you haven’t played this game… (slaps you again) Play. It. Now. If you have, give it another go. Skyward Sword is coming out and there’s no better way to get you in the mood for another 3D adventure than playing the game that started it all.